NP: Don't Judge Me - Chris Brown

Why am I awake at this godly hour. Is that the term that people use? I wonder. So here I am. Alone. My sister is not home or not home yet. I think I remember her planning to sleep over at aunts, but I didn't see her today. We just talk through Snapchat as of late, which is quite boring when you only have like two people to share stuff with. Boring. So let me go back to the "here I am...all alone" gibberish. I jsut realized that my head hurts and I should probably go back to sleep. I'm just thinking about the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow, and then I have the concert with Robert. Also, I've realized that I don't really feel like going to that concert. Why? Well as of late I just feel like doing nothing, but then I feel like I'm doing nothing. Which is stupid, because of course I am doing nothing when I don't want to do anything. Who understands me?!?!? Ugh. I have come to the conclusion that I am fucken complicated. I'll to admit that. Another thing that is current is the fact that the date for the trip to Mexico is getting closer, and closer. I will like to freely admit that I am quite doubtful about it. I'm sure everything will be fine, I hope, but it's a different world. There's also the part that it is going to be such a hassle to get there. I just don't want to think about it.

I think I've let an opportunity pass that I might regret in the future. I really hope that it doesn't come down to that. I try to live my life with no regrets. I don't like regret. I rather just move on and see it as something that was not suppose to happen or I'm better off without. But then again, what the hell do I know. I'm fucken complicated. I just hope things get better in the work force for me, and I finish my school with no increasing loans, and that everything works out for me.

Cranberry Orange muffins

Posted

USC medical center

Trio

Hiking at Hermit Falls

Hermit Falls hike

This was the loveliest hike we had ever taken. It was green everywhere and we were all flabbergasted by the beauty of it. The trees the flowers and the animals. In this case we had to hike down instead of up, which now that I think about it is there such a thing as hiking down? Ha. Any way, we had to go down where we end up on a cliff where people tend to jump off into the water. But we are chickens and just settled for a little pond of water where submerged ourselves and talked about food. Then came the hiking UP. Gosh that was freaking horrible. I just couldn't go up anymore after a while of hiking. My thighs were really killing me. I really wished I could just take them off. That still didn't take the beauty of it. This place was gorgeous.

Some nights

RENT

Today (6/9/13) I had the pleasure to go watch Rent: The Musical. It was awesome. I had bought tickets before but I had not made it to that showing. So today I was really excited to get out of work and go home so we could go pick up my Tali and drive to Santa Monica Blvd to a small theater where they were showing Rent. It was so intimate because the place was really small. And I really loved the show. Specially when Collins character sings I'll Cover You gawd that was beautiful. I wanted to start bawling myself.

In T's room

At the ID concert

This ring

Something else

Star Wars Calendar

Thanx to my sister, Jax, I now own a SW calendar. I mean, I can't really write on it because it's dark and shit. But hey, it's fucken awesome.

I have nothing...

But thoughts that flow around my mind.
This and that, here and there.
Complete nothings that make me feel lost.
I want them to take root in a place.
Somewhere to be dissected.
With no worries of demand.
These thoughts should be doormat.

Sometimes I feel like I am not me. That there are things that I would rather be doing. Like everything I am doing now is not what I should be doing. But then I question myself, What should I be doing? And the answers are empty. Because honestly I don't know. I guess I do feel like I should be doing something else. But then I wonder if I really should. I mean, if i don't know what I should "else" I should be doing. Then should I be doing it. So many questions, so many thoughts. I wish I could just be happy and not have to think about something else. Or somewhere else. Because honestly that is what it all comes down to, been somewhere else. Because here sucks. And I can't seem to do something about it. Then I wonder...do I want to something else and if I did...wouldn't I be doing it already. Ugh. Everything is so confusing. I find myself disliking things I use to love. And tolerating people that I "love". Why do I have to change so often. My mind progresses and things change. I hate things I use to love. It's like I have a different point of view. And all I want to do is stay the same. I grow older and I feel lost. I just want to keep things on hold because I feel that they are going so fast. I can't enjoy anything because it passes so quickly. I feel like freezing time and not doing anything. But what is the point of complaining about doing the "wrong thing", when I want to do nothing. What is wrong with me...

Somewhere...

I got lost.
I soon realized that where I was going was the wrong way.
But I couldn't stop myself from going.
It seemed as if my  path had already been chosen for me.
Though I tried my hardest  to change my way,
things never seem to go my way.
And this "way" that I tried so hard to change ended up changing me.
And making me, rounding me into something I never thought I would be.
So here I am, going my way.

Le break

Shenanigans

Paint job

What a face

With T

First bday