Monday Blues

I've finished watching Stranger Things, and I must say it was a pretty good show. I want to know what's going to happen next.

Yesterday was horrible. The rain made work horrible. So annoyingly busy, and the complains. Like come on, we are working here people. So hectic. It seemed like it would never end. We kept seeing 50 pizzas, and then 49, and then 55! It felt like it was never going to stop. Another day at the job though. Too bad we did horrible. At least the day is over.

I can't stop thinking about him, and wondering if its even real. Is any of it real. How can I ever believe it. I feel so skeptical all the time. Everything he says.... I don't know. I don't even know. What a horrible feeling to have. To find someone, and doubt everything he says. I mean, shouldn't judge the guy for his past, but then, it is his past. It's whats made him HIM. So, what's the problem. I just can't believe it's real. Just to not get too attached, maybe. I can't forget or pretend he isn't what he is. Yet, I can't get away. I am so annoyed with myself in regards to him. Why can't I just move on. Find someone less complicated or easy or I don't know. Someone else. Where is my someone else. Where is the person I will fall dramatically in love with. Where are you significant other. What are you doing....I am so tired...Pretending to be okay. When it is not okay. Nothing is okay. I hate everything. I just don't want to feel anymore. Why did I have to become this miserable person. I hate it. I wish I was as uninterested as I had always been. Fuck this. Fuck everything.