Man, this year was full of music. Beautiful music!!
I had a feeling about my 23rd birthday, I'm not sure what kind of feeling, but something. I expected good things to happen on my 23rd. The best thing that I could think about is all the live performances that I got to see. The people that I got to share them with. I swear that is the hardest thing to choose. Who to go with...
And the hardship of tolerating some, because you have no other choice. That sucks. That is the worst realization. To think that you are just tolerating someone. It's kind of disgusting. Like, who wants to be in that shitty position, and accept it. Ugh. People are so stupid.
Back to the music...
If I remember correctly I saw Kings Of Leon first, and that was a lovely mission. I got the tickets for a theater in Chula Vista, which meant we had to drive close to San Diego from LA. We rented a car, we rented a room, and my sister and I drove to spend one night at a strangers house for my birthday weekend. It was uncommon, but at the same time it was wonderful. I loved it.
Then we went to see Blue October, and that was the best. Justin is like a God. His voice is just...beautiful. I had to contain the tears for that. Then seeing him again at the end of the year was even heartwarming.
There was Coachella, which was a lifetime experience, but I also almost died. Don't know what the hell exactly happened there, but I am still here. All those performances we caught: Bastille, Kid Cudi, Solange, Lana Del Rey, Outkast, Broken Bells, Lorde, Ellie Goulding, City and Colour, Zedd, Aloe Blacc, Calvin Harris, Cage The Elephant, and many more from a distance. Honestly, that was a good music experience. I just feel that going with friends would be much better. Can't wait for next year.
The All American Rejects, Arctic Monkeys, Linkin Park, 30 Seconds to Mars, Erik Hassle, Romeo Santos (mom!), Two Gallants, The Black Keys, The Backstreet Boys, Cage The Elephant (again!), and Walk The Moon.
And to those that I purchase tickets to but didn't ene going...
The Script, One Republic, Paramore, Fall Out Boy, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, and an acoustic set by Justin from Blue October.
I felt bad, and angry in most situations for missing you guys. Shit happens.
When I was 23 I went to a shit load of concerts, discovered a favorite beer, made out with strangers, had a fling, expressed my love for films (by constantly going to the movies), accepted credit card debt into my life. Enjoyed a family vacation to Vegas, then went to Vegas with friends. Ugh. Lost touch with some friends, but gain others. Welcomed D's baby into this world, lost touch with my first boss by gaining a different one. Momentarily gave up on school, thats still on lingo. Started reading crappy romance novels again. Saw the best movie ever! Guardians of the Galaxy. I swear I just love it because of the music. I expanded my taste in music. I've survive a year with a license without owning a car of my own. Hopefully that works in my favor when I look for car insurance in the future. I was suppose to graduate this year, but didn't. I didn't leave the country. Stayed safely at home. Went hiking sometimes. Didn't meet the love of my life, unfortunately. But did fall in love with different songs. Plus. I didn't gain a tattoo like I wished to do, but next year looks promising. Next year...should be good. I want things. I'm tired of needing things.
*So my sister just got flowers left outside our apartment door. That was sweet. My mother and I laughed.
Monday, December 29
ending..
I am really bad with keeping shit updated, unless you are twitter or instagram. I can't understand how I can rapidly update that and not even think about this.I remember when you were brand knew and wanted to be on here all the time. I guess the problem is that there really isn't much socializing on here. Like, who reads this shit? What's the point?
Fuck, the year is ending. I have no bragging rights as of now. I did bake some cookies a few days ago, they're pretty bomb. It's also going to be more than a year since I've had to deal with this horrible face of mine. I just don't understand why my face won't clear up. I wash it, most of the time. I try to be continuous in my face wash routings, but you know shit gets boring. Why can't they just stop coming out on their own, and leave me alone. I've suffered enough this year!!
I feel like I drank a lot this year, which led to many weird events in my life happening. No regrets! I mean, shit happens for a reason. That's my excuse for everything. Yeah, I'm not too sure how I feel about certain things that happened. I guess, I can't say much about it now because they already happened, and I couldn't changed them if I wanted to.
Life is weird.
I'm still waiting for the big BOOM. You know how everyone brags that you are here for a reason. You have a purpose in life to meet. I just don't know where exactly I fit in. Where do I find it. I've done some weird shit, and till this day I still don't know what the fuck. My only consolation is that I'm not stuck doing something I don't tolerate. Fuck that. Fuck discomfort, and fuck people that make you feel uncomfortable.
Moody feelings: I wish I was more grounded, but at the same time I still feel like I have some growing up to do. Like understand more fully that life is shit, and people work, and money is the devil. That everything has a fucken cost. Fuck that. I hate it. I hate money, and the power that it has. At the same time I don't think I would have the balls to survive like those travelers. How do they do it!?!?!?!?!?!??!
Fuck, the year is ending. I have no bragging rights as of now. I did bake some cookies a few days ago, they're pretty bomb. It's also going to be more than a year since I've had to deal with this horrible face of mine. I just don't understand why my face won't clear up. I wash it, most of the time. I try to be continuous in my face wash routings, but you know shit gets boring. Why can't they just stop coming out on their own, and leave me alone. I've suffered enough this year!!
I feel like I drank a lot this year, which led to many weird events in my life happening. No regrets! I mean, shit happens for a reason. That's my excuse for everything. Yeah, I'm not too sure how I feel about certain things that happened. I guess, I can't say much about it now because they already happened, and I couldn't changed them if I wanted to.
Life is weird.
I'm still waiting for the big BOOM. You know how everyone brags that you are here for a reason. You have a purpose in life to meet. I just don't know where exactly I fit in. Where do I find it. I've done some weird shit, and till this day I still don't know what the fuck. My only consolation is that I'm not stuck doing something I don't tolerate. Fuck that. Fuck discomfort, and fuck people that make you feel uncomfortable.
Moody feelings: I wish I was more grounded, but at the same time I still feel like I have some growing up to do. Like understand more fully that life is shit, and people work, and money is the devil. That everything has a fucken cost. Fuck that. I hate it. I hate money, and the power that it has. At the same time I don't think I would have the balls to survive like those travelers. How do they do it!?!?!?!?!?!??!
Monday, October 13
Dance The Night Away...
I love The Anniversary...
Thanks to Little Buzo aka Cousin Danny aka Music Guru I came across this album, The Majesty, and I was just instantly (ugh, I don't know the right word), but the album is good. I just loved it. I remember those middle school days of carrying a case with maybe 4-5 disks and my disk player. Ha. I liked my player because it had a feature were I could switch the covers, which had about three covers. Of course, my favorite was the green one. Damn those days.
A couple of days ago I was wearing some old hoodie that I have and I noticed a hole on one of my pockets. This reminded me of those days were I would make a hole for my earphone cord. Trying to be very sneaky so the earphones wouldn't be visible during school time. I am pretty sure that most of my sweaters had that little addition.
Cheers to music and earphone holes!!
Thanks to Little Buzo aka Cousin Danny aka Music Guru I came across this album, The Majesty, and I was just instantly (ugh, I don't know the right word), but the album is good. I just loved it. I remember those middle school days of carrying a case with maybe 4-5 disks and my disk player. Ha. I liked my player because it had a feature were I could switch the covers, which had about three covers. Of course, my favorite was the green one. Damn those days.
A couple of days ago I was wearing some old hoodie that I have and I noticed a hole on one of my pockets. This reminded me of those days were I would make a hole for my earphone cord. Trying to be very sneaky so the earphones wouldn't be visible during school time. I am pretty sure that most of my sweaters had that little addition.
Cheers to music and earphone holes!!
Friday, August 8
So far
I watched Guardians of the Galaxy this past week, and OMG I loved it. I'm sure every person that has watched has probably declared those exact words. It is genius. Now I am obsessed with the soundtrack. I have been listening to it since I made the playlist on Spotify. Yeah, the album was on sale but I am a firm supporter of Spotify. So I always go for Spotify finds first, and I was really surprised that all songs were available.
Intermission....for sleeping
Intermission....for sleeping
Monday, August 4
I moved on
I was glued to twitter for quite a while today. Honestly, it happens.
I was just there, writing, and retweeting shit that seem relevant.
I like twitter. Things are usually on point on twitter.
Just get on there and scroll down my timeline, which at times is fucken annoying. Nobody really tweets interesting things, but then there are accounts that are really funny.I start following them to later regret my decision of following them because damn infomercials!! They're fucken annoying!!!!!!
No, I do not want to learn your dieting secret.
No, I do not care how many followers you got by following this other account.
No, I do not want to retweet this to win something.
And NO, just NO.
It's annoying. I guess, good things come with a price. Happy forever, but annoyed for a while. I do not like it. I won't accept it. Move on.
I think it's funny when I get on here and read my previous posts. It's astonishing really. I literally read a whole post and then think to myself, wtf was I thinking. Because I really do have this problem where I feel a lot about something or have am interesting opinion about something, and I choose to express about it. To later think to myself, I don't feel that way anymore.
But you know what? I like that about myself. I can be vulnerable, stupid, deep in thought, or raw at moments and accept it as what it is. Some rare aspect of me. Others just can't. I could accept that as well, but it just reflects something about them that is not attractive to me.
You have to accept someone in their rarities. That's what makes them precious.
I was just there, writing, and retweeting shit that seem relevant.
I like twitter. Things are usually on point on twitter.
Just get on there and scroll down my timeline, which at times is fucken annoying. Nobody really tweets interesting things, but then there are accounts that are really funny.I start following them to later regret my decision of following them because damn infomercials!! They're fucken annoying!!!!!!
No, I do not want to learn your dieting secret.
No, I do not care how many followers you got by following this other account.
No, I do not want to retweet this to win something.
And NO, just NO.
It's annoying. I guess, good things come with a price. Happy forever, but annoyed for a while. I do not like it. I won't accept it. Move on.
I think it's funny when I get on here and read my previous posts. It's astonishing really. I literally read a whole post and then think to myself, wtf was I thinking. Because I really do have this problem where I feel a lot about something or have am interesting opinion about something, and I choose to express about it. To later think to myself, I don't feel that way anymore.
But you know what? I like that about myself. I can be vulnerable, stupid, deep in thought, or raw at moments and accept it as what it is. Some rare aspect of me. Others just can't. I could accept that as well, but it just reflects something about them that is not attractive to me.
You have to accept someone in their rarities. That's what makes them precious.
Monday, June 23
I know...
It's been about two weeks since I've found myself glued to this blog. I haven't even posted anything on the other more eloquent one. So what has been going on? A lot of bullshit.
I can't recall the exact feelings I was experiencing the last time I found myself here, but at this precise moment I just want to *wah. I feel like my eyes are too sensitive from the crying that happened earlier in the day. I had this sudden emotion of solidity, depression, and loneliness. And I wanted to talk, to someone, but my choice turned out to be not a good one. I honestly felt raw. Everything that is wrong came running to the surface, and wanted to be acknowledged.
Since I have this oppression problem in regards to my emotions; in the sense that I genuinely feel that nobody cares, so why bother. Whenever I find myself in these situations, I hate everything/everyone. My feelings are quite sensitive, and I just want to cry. A lot. But I can't. I can't be the person that cares and has feelings because then the perception that people have of me gets shattered. Why should I care? The truth is I don't. I am not afraid of my emotions. I just try to be considerate of others sensitivities. I can't make you face something that you are not welcoming.
I want to talk to someone, get some advice, or something. I just can't seem to find that zen.
Tuesday, June 10
CoWorkers ♥
I swear I can not understand when people say that they hate their coworkers. I find it hard to understand because I find my coworkers very appealing. The girls are so funny sometimes that I can not decided whether I am almost peeing myself or crying with laughter. I swear the wittiness of some is so unexpected that they get me off guard and I am literally keeled with laughter. They are just interesting characters the lot of them. I find myself treating them as little sisters because there is an age gap between us, but then there is Yaz who is just about a year or two behind me.
I find her the most amusing as of late because she has suddenly evolved in to a very social person. Before it was hard to get anything out of her, and we would described her as timid, but now....omg that girl is too funny. I find her the most entertaining because her humor was most unexpected, and she is blossoming to quite a thing. And she openly admits that she is "weird".
Then there is Yess, who is quite a character herself, but at the same time she is so emotional. You just have to accept what she gives you. I swear one day she does not talk to you, or tells you to shut up, but then the next she will be hugging you. Honestly, she has come up to me more than once saying "I think you need some love", and just hugs me. Her random shows of affection are worth experiencing, and I appreciate that she confides in me, and is comfortable enough to ask for help when she needs it.
Lastly there is my Stephie, who is the youngest of the bunch, and an Aries herself. So I mostly relate to her because we have more things in common. And because she is the youngest I always tease her, which she does not like. But I do it anyway because she has evolved in to a smart young lady. I feel that she is now transitioning to college, my experience will be beneficial to her. I can really pave her a good road based on what I have experienced, and she is attending SMC, which I feel has something to do with me attending there as well.
The tall one, the one with pretty eyes, and the one with dimples.
Amused
That moment in which you experience a sense of realization. They come rarely, but when they do come they hit you straight in the gut. I tell you, they sure get your attention. There I was minding my own business when I came across something oh so interesting, which made me realize that I had forgotten something very important. Flashback!
I just felt joy at this new found information. Well I must admit that at first I was quite disappointed, but then I think I felt a sort of liberation. It is very funny that I had that feeling right after because last time I experienced such disappointment I was pretty bummed for a coupled of days. I am now relieved that I do not actually feel bad, and more specifically, I do not even think I should be surprised. You have a perception of a person for a reason, and you should never forget what you initially thought of this person. I swear I had forgotten what I already knew, but I guess I was blind for just a while. I am only human and I hope for things like many others do. My problem is that I get caught up with what I want, and tend to forget the simple things that are reality.
So here I am having realized that I am quite content with how things have end up, and that things are much better left as they are. I can not even explain why I feel this way. This feeling of relief is quite surprising. I think it might be because I know that I do not have to get caught up with bullshit anymore or that I have an excuse to not get caught up on bullshit. What ever the cause is, I feel good because of this feeling....
I just felt joy at this new found information. Well I must admit that at first I was quite disappointed, but then I think I felt a sort of liberation. It is very funny that I had that feeling right after because last time I experienced such disappointment I was pretty bummed for a coupled of days. I am now relieved that I do not actually feel bad, and more specifically, I do not even think I should be surprised. You have a perception of a person for a reason, and you should never forget what you initially thought of this person. I swear I had forgotten what I already knew, but I guess I was blind for just a while. I am only human and I hope for things like many others do. My problem is that I get caught up with what I want, and tend to forget the simple things that are reality.
So here I am having realized that I am quite content with how things have end up, and that things are much better left as they are. I can not even explain why I feel this way. This feeling of relief is quite surprising. I think it might be because I know that I do not have to get caught up with bullshit anymore or that I have an excuse to not get caught up on bullshit. What ever the cause is, I feel good because of this feeling....
Sunday, June 8
Burns
So I have really bad cramps, and they won't go away! Fucken hate them. Honestly, just kill me right now. So we have this heating pad for situations like these, and I've had it on my stomach for about two hours. I got up to eat, and then I was going to my room, then I happens to pass the mirror on the wall and for some random reason my shirt was up that I could see my stomach. And what do I find!? Pink marks all over. It looks more like patches because not all of my stomach is pink. I tried to rub it off, but it didn't come off. Hahahaha. That's actually never happen to me before. It doesn't hurt so I guess they're not that bad. Stupid PMS!!
Procrastination
I swear this is the biggest thing I have going for myself. I just cannot get my shit together, and then there I am stressing my ass off trying to finish things. So I have two papers to write and one online final to take. And I am nowhere close to doing that. Ugh!!!! I hate schoooolllll.
Saturday, June 7
Friday, June 6
Deprived
I've been deprive of sleep, and wonders. I am so sleepy right now, but find myself distracted by stuff. This computer for example is taking my mind off of things. And then my room is pretty hot, and the sun goes right in to the room so there is no way to darken the room so I could fall asleep. I am so sleepy though. I am literally writing this with almost shut eyes. I just cant go to sleep because then I get tired of sleeping, and I really do have things to do. For example I have two more papers to write, and an online final to take, plus I want to make notes for my final exam on monday. The quarter really did go by fast this time, and now its ending. I don't know exactly what I want to do. Or what I could do. Why couldn't it be clear from the start.
Why the fuck do people need a diploma to prove that they got an education? I got a higher education for about five years. I'm fed up with being asked "What are you taking?", "What are you gonna do with that?", "What career is it?"...just shut the fuck up. It is honestly none of your business what my education is doing to me because at the end of the day it does nothing for you. It does not concern you, or make you change yourself. It doesnt. So shut up. If you want to know about education, then get yourself in a school or an environment where you will learn. Get out of my face. Stop trying to make me explain myself. My future does NOT concern you at all. It doesn't affect you. So people just leave me alone!
I am so fucken tired of people. Why must you want to know everything? Just shut up, and live your own life. Get your shit together and stay out of mine! I am just completely tired of being called "rude" just because I don't want to share what I think my future will look like. Why the fuck do I have to tell you anything?! Just because you want to know doesn't give you the entitlement to receive an answer. My answer is not for you to take. My thoughts are not for you to take. If I tell you anything, then it will be because I choose to share that myself. It is honestly more genuine that way. People need to stop pretending that they care, and if they do care, then they need to understand that there are things that I just do not wish to talk about with you. That does not mean I dislike you. It just really means that I don't want to tell you. I see it as pointless to share such useless information.
Why the fuck do people need a diploma to prove that they got an education? I got a higher education for about five years. I'm fed up with being asked "What are you taking?", "What are you gonna do with that?", "What career is it?"...just shut the fuck up. It is honestly none of your business what my education is doing to me because at the end of the day it does nothing for you. It does not concern you, or make you change yourself. It doesnt. So shut up. If you want to know about education, then get yourself in a school or an environment where you will learn. Get out of my face. Stop trying to make me explain myself. My future does NOT concern you at all. It doesn't affect you. So people just leave me alone!
I am so fucken tired of people. Why must you want to know everything? Just shut up, and live your own life. Get your shit together and stay out of mine! I am just completely tired of being called "rude" just because I don't want to share what I think my future will look like. Why the fuck do I have to tell you anything?! Just because you want to know doesn't give you the entitlement to receive an answer. My answer is not for you to take. My thoughts are not for you to take. If I tell you anything, then it will be because I choose to share that myself. It is honestly more genuine that way. People need to stop pretending that they care, and if they do care, then they need to understand that there are things that I just do not wish to talk about with you. That does not mean I dislike you. It just really means that I don't want to tell you. I see it as pointless to share such useless information.
Long night...
So I was suppose to do my paper yesterday as soon as I got home, but I ended up getting home late from school. So instead of working on that paper I decided to take a nap. Woot. That nap ended up being two hours long. So then it was 8pm, and I still had nothing to work on. Bleh. So I figured I will start working on it as soon as my brain came back into focus. Yeah, that took quite a while. I didn't end up working on my paper until about midnight. Of course I had to do a little research prior to my writing, and that took quite a while. The point is I was up until 3 in the morning trying my best to finish this paper before going to sleep. I ended up going to sleep at four in the morning and waking up at 7 so I could continue with that paper. I ended up getting up at 7:15, and I didn't start on the paper until almost 8. But at last I did finish it on time. I showered and walked myself to work.
So here I am...fucken Yessica scared me today while I was in the walk in. There I was just getting a bag of wings when the lights get turned off, and then the door is closed. So there I am and I turn to walk out of the walk in and she is in there with me. That was the girliest scream I have ever done, but it was funny after all.
Thursday, June 5
Train of Thoughts
I find myself thinking of scenarios, situations, conversations, or things that "could have been", and then I tell myself to shut up. I hate it. I do not want to be stuck on shit like that. Fuck it. No regrets. Just look forward, I say. So whenever I am in that stupor I then punish myself. Not physically. Just psychologically. Lol. Which could be worst, but who knows. I hate these train of thoughts. I just realize this. I find myself daydreaming and it pisses me off. What the fuck is wrong with me? I ask myself. What the fuck am I doing? Why the fuck AM I in this fucking situation? I did not ask for this. I do not want to be this girl that gets stuck on "what ifs". It's ridiculous. Fuck this moment. Fuck thinking about this. And fuck everything.
I am extremely annoyed with myself because I am so behind on school work. So whenever I get like this everything pisses me off. I just have no tolerance for shit at this moment. And then my head is constantly hurting. And I hate everything, which I mention previously. So that is me in a nutshell, right this moment.
I am extremely annoyed with myself because I am so behind on school work. So whenever I get like this everything pisses me off. I just have no tolerance for shit at this moment. And then my head is constantly hurting. And I hate everything, which I mention previously. So that is me in a nutshell, right this moment.
Clumsy
So I almost ate shit today, which should have been taken as a premonition for what ended up happening to me. I was walking up the stairs today when out of nowhere I tripped. The good thing was that I was next to the rail and had enough time to hold on to it. The worst thing was there was a lady who was walking down the stairs herself, and she ended up tripping up as well because she thought I was going to fall. I think I heard her gasp, but I didn't fall so it was all good.
I make it on the bus, even though I had to wait forever, and then through the ride I fall asleep. Even though I was asleep I was conscious that I was "asleep". Lol. Somehow...so there I am bobbing my head about when out of nowhere the bus driver makes a stop, and where does my head go? Well right into the ledge of the window. I hit my forehead right in the middle. That's what I was talking about in relation to the earlier premonition. I didn't fall, but I did end up banging my head afterwards. Thanx karma.
Monday, June 2
Waiting for the bus...
So I saw this kid run to catch up with the bus, and I thought: why do you run? It's going to leave you anyway. Which made me laugh because last time I ran, and the bus waited. The point is that both annotations could be references to love. Don't run because they'll leave you and I ran but they waited for me. See the relations? I thought it was clever. So I thought: I should write a book and title it "Waiting for the bus while thinking of love: the thoughts of a cynical mind". Lmao. Hey, you never know.
Tuesday, May 27
I think...
There is a possibility I might have been bumped up to Level 2 at work. I say this because when I went to work yesterday and I wanted to clock in I could see that I could clock in as level two. When previously only level one was available as the highest level. But I have no clue because my boss has not told me anything. He does that -_- regardless I am very intrigued by this new level of expertise. We will see.
Moms
She's trying to be hip by having a twitter and a snapchat. The lady doesn't even know how to use them or what their purpose is. I just blocked her from my snapchat because she be creeping. I can't be weird or anything because she'll be like, you did that or this. You are not suppose to talk about it! And then on twitter she likes my tweets. Not even recent ones!! She likes tweets from weeks or months ago. She is so weird. I always tell her, Mom! Stop liking my tweets. Ugh, she's so weird. OMG and on Facebook she is so ridiculous. It's cute, but come on lady!
Sunday, May 25
Prints!
I use to be obsessed with taking pictures, okay maybe I still am, but the point is that before I use to be really in to taking and printing pictures. So this week I placed an order for 50 prints at CVS. I just got them, and some of them got cut off, but most of them look good. I got some pictures from when we went to Mexico, and some that I had with baby Gissele. A lot of them I got from this blog because I would post them on here, and then delete them. So many memories.
Ugh.
"I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me"
What a night..
So I get home, and my mom asks me if I want anything to eat because they had just placed an order for pick up, and of course I said yes. So we eat. Blah-blah. Mom makes margaritas. We drink some. Then I decide I'm going to go lie down with my sister who is sleeping in our room. She wakes up tho because she has plans to go out. My phone rings: it's Thannya. She's on her break, and wants to tell me about some news that she found out. Crazy gossip. Whatever, she goes back to work. Then my cousin calls me, and is wondering what I'm doing, and if I want to go out to have a drink. I say yes, and we go. We end up at Don Chente, where she gets a really strong drink that she doesn't even finish. We leave after an hour. I had plans to go to the movies with Yess so we go pick her up at work. On our way we also pick up Tony, my cousin, and then make our way to Edwards. Tony was drunk, and Kitty was stoned. The movie was funny, but Tony knocked out. Ha. Interesting night.
Saturday, May 24
Friday, May 23
23
I thought I was going to be something by my twenty-third birthday, but so far nothing. I have reached this year and still I am just...eh. Nothing really to say I've accomplished. I can't really boast myself because I can't think of something that I am proud of. I'm not done with school yet. I haven't found a stabled job. I don't really know what interests me, in regards to a career. I love what I do, but it's not really a place where you can evolve into something. I guess, it's not a profession is what I am trying to get at. I have no one to call mine, womp-womp. I am not complete. What I mean by that is that I do not really know what I want or where I want to be. I mostly feel that I am waiting for something to come and take me away. Can an opportunity drop out of the sky, and change my life drastically? I honestly don't know why I have those ideals. I believe in magic, chances, and fate. It sounds very naive of me, but I like to believe that things happen for s reason. I can say this for myself though: I am not disappointed.
Every time...
I just finished this sappy romance novel, and now I feel like "UGH". Why must people write about love at first sight?!?! I don't even understand that. Could it really happen? Can it happen to me? Like, right now! Hahaha. Dude, I feel that if it were to even happen to me I wouldn't even be aware of it. I would just be like, "Oh yeah, that guy. Whatever." And he would go on with his life, and I would be oblivious to it all. That is just horrible. I hope that if it ever does happen to me that I will actually notice. (I just lost my train of thought...)
What is love?
I have no clue. I love my iPod. I love...my mom. I love food, indefinitely. I've always feared that I won't ever notice that I love someone until it is too late. I love some people, I think. Ha. Who knows. I think love is overrated. Everyone wants to experience it, and can't feel complete until they have it. I am just like, whatever. I think I could live without love. I prefer food. Then again, I also fear that whole possession that people you love have over you. It's quite disgusting. The way people get over people, but I guess I am talking about those negative relationships. The ones where only one person is truly involved, or I guess both are, but one is very conniving. Fuck that. I hope I always keep a clear mind, if I ever do fall in love with someone. Not really interested in that... at the moment.
(This loneliness is killing me.) Look at me being all deep and shit.
What is love?
I have no clue. I love my iPod. I love...my mom. I love food, indefinitely. I've always feared that I won't ever notice that I love someone until it is too late. I love some people, I think. Ha. Who knows. I think love is overrated. Everyone wants to experience it, and can't feel complete until they have it. I am just like, whatever. I think I could live without love. I prefer food. Then again, I also fear that whole possession that people you love have over you. It's quite disgusting. The way people get over people, but I guess I am talking about those negative relationships. The ones where only one person is truly involved, or I guess both are, but one is very conniving. Fuck that. I hope I always keep a clear mind, if I ever do fall in love with someone. Not really interested in that... at the moment.
(This loneliness is killing me.) Look at me being all deep and shit.
He makes me laugh...
I just had a genuine laugh thanks to Jose. This guy use to have a big crush on me while we were in high school. When I say "big", I mean that everyone in school knew about it. He never really did anything about it, but asked me once to be his Valentine. He gave me Hershey's, which were at the moment my favorite. So now we are back to texting, which happened randomly, and he is asking me out to concerts and what not. And I'm just like "smooth yo", and he replies with "I'm trying to make up never asking you out even though I said I liked you". I just laughed because that was just sweet. And genuine feelings make me laugh. He really is a nice guy, and we get along fine, but every time we would go out it would be sort of weird. On text we talk a lot, and he could be really funny, but in person he is not like that at all. I think if he had been like that in person, then we would get along fine. He got a girlfriend, and I thought he was over his "crush", but I guess not.
Lunch!!
Whenever I work with my boss we always decide on what to eat. Today I told him I wanted Waba, and he agreed. So he asked me to place the order for two chicken bowls, but his with no onions. I ordered this, but didn't realize that he had wanted brown rice instead if white. Whoops. He ate it anyhow...he was hungry. I like mine with avocado and hot sauce. I gave him money to pay for the food, but he gave it back to me with the pretext that they don't accept $20 bills. Dork.
Tonight was unexpected
My mom is a big fan of Romeo Santos so she got tickets to go see him. I had bought her tickets about two years ago, or last year. I really can't remember, but the point is that I had seen him already. Though I really am not a big fan of his I could confirm that he is a really good performer. He puts on a show like no other. I've never seen a show so well prepped, and involving. This guy talks to the crowd as if they were just steps away. Like if it weren't thousands of people in this big venue. So I ended up going with my mother because her friend ended up bailing on her, and though at first I was just like "ugh. why?" I had fun.
And I think it's funny that every time I want to just be home, and do nothing, I always end up doing something. I honestly had gotten home, and gone to my room to lay on my bed. Just contemplating doing nothing when my mother started to instigate I go with her. I had to or the poor thing wouldn't have gone. She was really happy, and I was happy too. She bought me a drink. Lol.
Thursday, May 22
Dirty Hair
I've yet to wash my hair...Had it in a bun all day so now it's wavy, but it doesn't stay that way for long.
"Quiet Little Voices"
Jose has introduced me to some great music as of late. So I am currently obsessed with Phantogram and We Were Promised Jetpacks. The two artist that I had actually never heard of because he also suggested CHVRCHES, but I've heard of them already. I don't want to ruin the little trend that we have acquired. So far, so good. I love Phantogram! Most specifically because it's a duo band, which I mentioned in a previous post, and I love that in artists. And then WWPJ is pretty mellow, and heart wrenching. I swear all the music that he suggest is pretty emo. I think this is what I needed in my life: new music.
I cheated myself...
I am always going to assume that my perspective is right. Nothing is wrong with that, I am sure. So here I am thinking about what I am feeling, right at this moment, and I feel that I have cheated myself. I have wasted these past two days experiencing something I wasn't particularly interested in experiencing. I have realized that these feelings could have been avoided. Yes, they definitely could have. Why are you lying to yourself, I asked. You don't really care...I understand this now because if i truly care, then I wouldn't be able to be here. Just writing thoughts away. I am over this. I don't want a pity response. I am going back to my assumption that if something is meant to be, then it will be. Whatever it is. I am not here for the long run. I like to procure my time with good times. And this album is so UGH.
----Been listening to Phantogram's Voices because Jose suggested I listen to them, and now I am on repeat. The lyrics though are quite depressing. Ha! It is all good though because I like them.----
I have always said that if I liked someone, then it would be from the exact moment when I met them. Not through time while we get to know each other. That is pointless because then I am stuck with the feeling if whether it is actually true or am I just accustomed to this person. I think I just get used to people being around, and with others insinuating that something is going to happen between you, then you start thinking that it might. When in reality you know that you were never even interested from the start. If your first thought when you meet someone is "eh", then there you've had your first impression. Nothing is going to evolve from that initial reaction. Honestly, I knew all along. I tried to convince myself otherwise, but no. I am over this shit. Its not even worth the time.
I still want Michael to talk to me...I AM waiting for that. Too bad it is too awkward every time I bump into him at school.
*Michael- the college fling who now attends CSULA
----Been listening to Phantogram's Voices because Jose suggested I listen to them, and now I am on repeat. The lyrics though are quite depressing. Ha! It is all good though because I like them.----
I have always said that if I liked someone, then it would be from the exact moment when I met them. Not through time while we get to know each other. That is pointless because then I am stuck with the feeling if whether it is actually true or am I just accustomed to this person. I think I just get used to people being around, and with others insinuating that something is going to happen between you, then you start thinking that it might. When in reality you know that you were never even interested from the start. If your first thought when you meet someone is "eh", then there you've had your first impression. Nothing is going to evolve from that initial reaction. Honestly, I knew all along. I tried to convince myself otherwise, but no. I am over this shit. Its not even worth the time.
I still want Michael to talk to me...I AM waiting for that. Too bad it is too awkward every time I bump into him at school.
*Michael- the college fling who now attends CSULA
I want...
I want to dye my hair green again. It is so much longer now, but unfortunately for me my friend has recently decided to start rocking the green in her hair. Just when I had decided to bleach it for that particular reason. I saw her IG post, and was instantly bummed out that I had not done it after all. It might sound weird, but I hate when people think that I have done something just because they did it first. It's dumb. So now I'm stuck with poopy brown hair.
Wednesday, May 21
I love pizza
With pep, bacon, and chicken. After that I like me some BBQ and mango habanero sauce. It's delicious, but people be hating. This is my break!
Weird
I feel so weird not being able to spontaneously post something that I feel/think/experience. I just have the urge to get my phone, and tweet, but I can't. I guess this is a sort of gateway to my bad habits. I want to not be so dependent on social media. I think I want to overly stop, but pfft! That is not going to happen any time soon. I have this, and I have my wordpress blog, which is more interactive, and I have journals. I don't even write anymore...this honestly just happens when I'm having a crisis, and I have no one to talk to about it. Like I mention before: I hate everything.
Only..
I only have you, oh blogger of mine, to discuss what's going in my mind. Honestly, I don't even want to digest my life. Fuck it. Who the fuck cares!? I hate everything, and this is bad. I get in these "moods" where I don't want to do anything, and nothing is appealing, and I hate everything! I think it's called depression. I am so weird though that I don't even feel it. I always have to go about my life when suddenly a thought crosses my mind, which makes me realize that I have been suppressing my feelings all along. This happens to me constantly. It's annoying, but it is something I have become accustomed to. I never notice how stressed out I am because my mind doesn't tend to focus on it. It's later when I come to conclusions that probably that spurt of acne happened because I was thinking too much of school, but not really doing anything. So that happens, and then it's too late to do anything about it.
I recently decided to do something, make a change, which I've yet to decide how long it will last. I'm not sure if I'll cave at some point, but for now I am a hundred percent in to it. Ah, I want to really not cave. *sigh*
Tuesday, May 20
Monday, May 19
Sunday, May 18
Tuesday, March 18
Winter finals!
They are here. Ugh!! I'm not looking forward to tomorrow or the next day. But winter quarter has come to a definit end. Wow, time sure flies when you are having a good time. The only downside of this quarter is that I have officially failed two classes in my entire higher education journey. I am not too proud, but I feel that is was possible necessary. I'm not perfect, and I don't aspire to be perfect. I hate that some people look to me for answers. In reality I am as lost as everyone else. I am a major procrastinator, I don't like speaking aloud, and I am most likely always confused. The point is that this quarter I have become acquainted with some lovely ladies, who are very goal oriented and fun. I swear I have definitely enjoyed this quarter because of them.
And now to consider spring quarter! Worst one yet!
Friday, March 14
Friday, February 7
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