I think...

There is a possibility I might have been bumped up to Level 2 at work. I say this because when I went to work yesterday and I wanted to clock in I could see that I could clock in as level two. When previously only level one was available as the highest level. But I have no clue because my boss has not told me anything. He does that -_- regardless I am very intrigued by this new level of expertise. We will see. 

Moms

She's trying to be hip by having a twitter and a snapchat. The lady doesn't even know how to use them or what their purpose is. I just blocked her from my snapchat because she be creeping. I can't be weird or anything because she'll be like, you did that or this. You are not suppose to talk about it! And then on twitter she likes my tweets. Not even recent ones!! She likes tweets from weeks or months ago. She is so weird. I always tell her, Mom! Stop liking my tweets. Ugh, she's so weird. OMG and on Facebook she is so ridiculous. It's cute, but come on lady!

Prints!

I use to be obsessed with taking pictures,  okay maybe I still am, but the point is that before I use to be really in to taking and printing pictures. So this week I placed an order for 50 prints at CVS. I just got them, and some of them got cut off, but most of them look good. I got some pictures from when we went to Mexico, and some that I had with baby Gissele. A lot of them I got from this blog because I would post them on here, and then delete them. So many memories. 

Ugh.

"I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I'd love you to love me

I'm begging you to beg me

I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I'd love you to love me"

What a night..

So I get home, and my mom asks me if I want anything to eat because they had just placed an order for pick up, and of course I said yes. So we eat. Blah-blah. Mom makes margaritas. We drink some. Then I decide I'm going to go lie down with my sister who is sleeping in our room. She wakes up tho because she has plans to go out. My phone rings: it's Thannya. She's on her break, and wants to tell me about some news that she found out. Crazy gossip. Whatever, she goes back to work. Then my cousin calls me, and is wondering what I'm doing, and if I want to go out to have a drink. I say yes, and we go. We end up at Don Chente, where she gets a really strong drink that she doesn't even finish. We leave after an hour. I had plans to go to the movies with Yess so we go pick her up at work. On our way we also pick up Tony, my cousin, and then make our way to Edwards. Tony was drunk, and Kitty was stoned. The movie was funny, but Tony knocked out. Ha. Interesting night.

My mom:

You want a margarita?

Me: Duh.

French Toast

Brownies...

Mint Cookies

The power of the oven. Hahaha. 

23

I thought I was going to be something by my twenty-third birthday, but so far nothing. I have reached this year and still I am just...eh. Nothing really to say I've accomplished. I can't really boast myself because I can't think of something that I am proud of. I'm not done with school yet. I haven't found a stabled job. I don't really know what interests me, in regards to a career. I love what I do, but it's not really a place where you can evolve into something. I guess, it's not a profession is what I am trying to get at. I have no one to call mine, womp-womp. I am not complete. What I mean by that is that I do not really know what I want or where I want to be. I mostly feel that I am waiting for something to come and take me away. Can an opportunity drop out of the sky, and change my life drastically? I honestly don't know why I have those ideals. I believe in magic, chances, and fate. It sounds very naive of me, but I like to believe that things happen for s reason. I can say this for myself though: I am not disappointed.

Every time...

I just finished this sappy romance novel, and now I feel like "UGH". Why must people write about love at first sight?!?! I don't even understand that. Could it really happen? Can it happen to me? Like, right now! Hahaha. Dude, I feel that if it were to even happen to me I wouldn't even be aware of it. I would just be like, "Oh yeah, that guy. Whatever." And he would go on with his life, and I would be oblivious to it all. That is just horrible. I hope that if it ever does happen to me that I will actually notice. (I just lost my train of thought...)

What is love?
I have no clue. I love my iPod. I love...my mom. I love food, indefinitely. I've always feared that I won't ever notice that I love someone until it is too late. I love some people, I think. Ha. Who knows. I think love is overrated. Everyone wants to experience it, and can't feel complete until they have it. I am just like, whatever. I think I could live without love. I prefer food. Then again, I also fear that whole possession that people you love have over you. It's quite disgusting. The way people get over people, but I guess I am talking about those negative relationships. The ones where only one person is truly involved, or I guess both are, but one is very conniving. Fuck that. I hope I always keep a clear mind, if I ever do fall in love with someone. Not really interested in that... at the moment.

(This loneliness is killing me.) Look at me being all deep and shit.

He makes me laugh...

I just had a genuine laugh thanks to Jose. This guy use to have a big crush on me while we were in high school. When I say "big", I mean that everyone in school knew about it. He never really did anything about it, but asked me once to be his Valentine. He gave me Hershey's, which were at the moment my favorite. So now we are back to texting, which happened randomly, and he is asking me out to concerts and what not. And I'm just like "smooth yo", and he replies with "I'm trying to make up never asking you out even though I said I liked you". I just laughed because that was just sweet. And genuine feelings make me laugh. He really is a nice guy, and we get along fine, but every time we would go out it would be sort of weird. On text we talk a lot, and he could be really funny, but in person he is not like that at all. I think if he had been like that in person, then we would get along fine. He got a girlfriend, and I thought he was over his "crush", but I guess not.

Lunch!!

Whenever I work with my boss we always decide on what to eat. Today I told him I wanted Waba, and he agreed. So he asked me to place the order for two chicken bowls, but his with no onions. I ordered this, but didn't realize that he had wanted brown rice instead if white. Whoops. He ate it anyhow...he was hungry. I like mine with avocado and hot sauce. I gave him money to pay for the food, but he gave it back to me with the pretext that they don't accept $20 bills. Dork.

Hey

Tonight was unexpected

My mom is a big fan of Romeo Santos so she got tickets to go see him. I had bought her tickets about two years ago, or last year. I really can't remember, but the point is that I had seen him already. Though I really am not a big fan of his I could confirm that he is a really good performer. He puts on a show like no other. I've never seen a show so well prepped, and involving. This guy talks to the crowd as if they were just steps away. Like if it weren't thousands of people in this big venue. So I ended up going with my mother because her friend ended up bailing on her, and though at first I was just like "ugh. why?" I had fun.

And I think it's funny that every time I want to just be home, and do nothing, I always end up doing something. I honestly had gotten home, and gone to my room to lay on my bed. Just contemplating doing nothing when my mother started to instigate I go with her. I had to or the poor thing wouldn't have gone. She was really happy, and I was happy too. She bought me a drink. Lol.

My selfie mother

I got stuck with her for the night...

Dirty Hair

I've yet to wash my hair...Had it in a bun all day so now it's wavy, but it doesn't stay that way for long. 

Group Text w/the Fam

"Quiet Little Voices"

Jose has introduced me to some great music as of late. So I am currently obsessed with Phantogram and We Were Promised Jetpacks. The two artist that I had actually never heard of because he also suggested CHVRCHES, but I've heard of them already. I don't want to ruin the little trend that we have acquired. So far, so good. I love Phantogram! Most specifically because it's a duo band, which I mentioned in a previous post, and I love that in artists. And then WWPJ is pretty mellow, and heart wrenching. I swear all the music that he suggest is pretty emo. I think this is what I needed in my life: new music.

I cheated myself...

I am always going to assume that my perspective is right. Nothing is wrong with that, I am sure. So here I am thinking about what I am feeling, right at this moment, and I feel that I have cheated myself. I have wasted these past two days experiencing something I wasn't particularly interested in experiencing. I have realized that these feelings could have been avoided. Yes, they definitely could have. Why are you lying to yourself, I asked. You don't really care...I understand this now because if i truly care, then I wouldn't be able to be here. Just writing thoughts away. I am over this. I don't want a pity response. I am going back to my assumption that if something is meant to be, then it will be. Whatever it is. I am not here for the long run. I like to procure my time with good times. And this album is so UGH.

----Been listening to Phantogram's Voices because Jose suggested I listen to them, and now I am on repeat. The lyrics though are quite depressing. Ha! It is all good though because I like them.----

I have always said that if I liked someone, then it would be from the exact moment when I met them. Not through time while we get to know each other. That is pointless because then I am stuck with the feeling if whether it is actually true or am I just accustomed to this person. I think I just get used to people being around, and with others insinuating that something is going to happen between you, then you start thinking that it might. When in reality you know that you were never even interested from the start. If your first thought when you meet someone is "eh", then there you've had your first impression. Nothing is going to evolve from that initial reaction. Honestly, I knew all along. I tried to convince myself otherwise, but no. I am over this shit. Its not even worth the time.

I still want Michael to talk to me...I AM waiting for that. Too bad it is too awkward every time I bump into him at school.

*Michael- the college fling who now attends CSULA

I want...

I want to dye my hair green again. It is so much longer now, but unfortunately for me my friend has recently decided to start rocking the green in her hair. Just when I had decided to bleach it for that particular reason. I saw her IG post, and was instantly bummed out that I had not done it after all. It might sound weird, but I hate when people think that I have done something  just because they did it first. It's dumb. So now I'm stuck with poopy brown hair.

That sat night...

Frowning

I love pizza

With pep, bacon, and chicken. After that I like me some BBQ and mango habanero sauce. It's delicious, but people be hating. This is my break!

How I Feel About Everything

Weird

I feel so weird not being able to spontaneously post something that I feel/think/experience. I just have the urge to get my phone, and tweet, but I can't. I guess this is a sort of gateway to my bad habits. I want to not be so dependent on social media. I think I want to overly stop, but pfft! That is not going to happen any time soon. I have this, and I have my wordpress blog, which is more interactive, and I have journals. I don't even write anymore...this honestly just happens when I'm having a crisis, and I have no one to talk to about it. Like I mention before: I hate everything.

Test

I am always going to push you away. It's a challenge.

Only..

I only have you, oh blogger of mine, to discuss what's going in my mind. Honestly, I don't even want to digest my life. Fuck it. Who the fuck cares!? I hate everything, and this is bad. I get in these "moods" where I don't want to do anything, and nothing is appealing, and I hate everything! I think it's called depression. I am so weird though that I don't even feel it. I always have to go about my life when suddenly a thought crosses my mind, which makes me realize that I have been suppressing my feelings all along. This happens to me constantly. It's annoying, but it is something I have become accustomed to. I never notice how stressed out I am because my mind doesn't tend to focus on it. It's later when I come to conclusions that probably that spurt of acne happened because I was thinking too much of school, but not really doing anything. So that happens, and then it's too late to do anything about it.

I recently decided to do something, make a change, which I've yet to decide how long it will last. I'm not sure if I'll cave at some point, but for now I am a hundred percent in to it. Ah, I want to really not cave. *sigh*

Eeeeekkkk

Seeing Blue October again in December!!! Sooo exciteddddd

Balances

Who invented credit!?! I should have never gotten myself into this.

When I'm happy

I'll be here, waiting.

Why so serious...

Late night

The sadness

It's compelling